Dude, swim for it!

By Dnoll

Boker Tov! (good morning)
Well, maybe not so tov this morning. My day started out late. Well, to be fair, this morning really started the night before when Adele and I had a little row with Zach about all the normal things that parents and teenagers tend to discuss. You know, things like being more respectful to elders, doing chores (at least sometimes without being asked 10 times), spending some time with his little brother, and all sorts of things like that. It was hard, as usual, in part because Adele and I have different approaches to this problem. Sometimes I just want to pound him, well that is always my first urge, and after I check my emotions, I always want to go on and on about all the things that I can think of, since I finally got his attention. Adele, on the other hand, starts by yelling a little, talking a little, and then just wanting me to pound him (a little). In the end we took away his phone and computer privileges and grounded him till we think he is back on track, probably a week or so. (I hope he doesn’t read this!)

So, because of all this, I got to bed late, forgot to set my alarm, woke up late for work, and, on the throne of contemplation, was figuring out how best to manage what was left of the morning, when from somewhere in bowels of the house I hear a moan of horror… “OH MY G-D! THE HOUSE IS FLOODED!”

So, in my mind (yes I am an eternal optimist) I am thinking that it is just a little water from the sink or something, right? Wrong. I moseyed down the stairs to solve the problem and save the day, thinking that maybe I will just be a little late to work. Yeheah besader (it will be OK), right? Well eventually it was, but once again I am getting ahead of myself. I stepped off of the last step into 4” of water. It was everywhere and pouring out the doors like a spaghetti strainer. Where was it coming from? I quickly scanned the room and… Dude! The dog was standing in water to his knees on the merpeset (patio). I slid open the door to let him in and, along with the happy dog, a miniature Niagara Falls gushed through the opening. Oyy…

Now I think I need to go back to a day or two before when Adele, my wife, asked me to fix the clogged drain pipe that drains the water from this particular merpeset. Actually, I think I need to go further back to when my wife asked me to clean out the storage area and put some shelves in or something, just to get things off the ground… Yup, the storage area is on the bottom floor of the house and I could hear clearly the steady trickle of water as it worked its way down through layers of suitcases, camping gear, beach stuff, artwork, and even the precious cartons of sponges, Lawry’s Garlic Salt, and aluminum foil. Not even the Ziploc Bags were spared. Sometimes I hate woman’s intuition. Errr…

It was all mush. And it didn’t help that the concrete floors of the house are sloped down to the back of the house, the cheapo hose that I have to sling up 20 feet to water the plants on the spigot-free merpeset broke, and the merpeset drain (a hole about the size of a marble that is supposed to empty the water from a 30’ by 30’ area) got clogged with two leaves, a few pebbles from when Dude tore up a potted plant, and some pesky little rabbit droppings. Enough whining already! Mantra time… I have a dog, I have a rabbit, I am fulfilled and happy, and I live in the Middle East… I have a dog, I have a rabbit…

OK, so now we have some new shelves and they have all been organized meticulously, we have a drain that is debris free (it is still the size of a marble though), and floors that sparkle like they were soaked in 4” of water – overnight, and I learned a new word today. I asked the Landlord who came right over when we called, “how do you say (flood) in Hebrew, Bul or something like that?”

He says, “Lo, Mebul is when it is big like from rain. What happened here is called (shit-a-phone).” I just looked at him, slack-jawed. And yes, then laughed my head off!

Yom Tov Kulam.

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