THE BRAVE NEW LAND

(the 9th of the month of Av on the Jewish calendar) Sometime before I was born, a tree began to grow, somewhere in the Carolinas in North America (Hi Aunt Cathy!). It was a Carolina Pine Tree and it grew for, maybe, 50 years before it was cut down for lumber. It had a journey through giant saws and then to a kiln to dry it properly. It went on a ship and maybe made a few stops in Europe before it finally landed on the shores of Israel. Once it was offloaded, it probably sat in a shipping yard for a week, or maybe a month, and then went to a local lumberyard, maybe in Haifa. Then, as it worked out, it finally found its way to an agalah (cart) in the basement maksan (storage area) at Beit El in Zichron Yaacov where my Son Zach, was busily working at his summer job (at the Nagaria (woodshop) with me!). Well, to really tell this story right I guess I need to back up to about the time of Moses. He is the guy that led the Israelites out of Mitzraim (Egypt) and the story goes like this… at th...

This story begins about 2 months ago when my friend Elan came to me after Beit Kinesset (Synagogue) one Cabalat Shabbat (Friday Eve.) and said, in a very hushed and, I have to admit, inquiring voice, “I really want to build a skateboard ramp. My brother built one and it is just my dream to have my own ramp.” Now Elan, it appears, is a real mover and shaker in the skateboard world here. He knows guys from all over the world from his business dealings with building a new skate park in Tel Aviv and also got a little park in the plans for a nearby construction project in Zichron. (Just in the plans mind you. It is now stuck in typical, Subcontractor no-mans land, Israeli fashion) So, I got to wondering about why he needed a ramp in his front yard, or to be more specific, in the only parking area to his house within 200 meters. I guess he just has skateboards on the brain or something like that. I used to skate ramps when I was a kid and it is very addicting. I know where he is coming from;...

Boker Tov! (good morning) Well, maybe not so tov this morning. My day started out late. Well, to be fair, this morning really started the night before when Adele and I had a little row with Zach about all the normal things that parents and teenagers tend to discuss. You know, things like being more respectful to elders, doing chores (at least sometimes without being asked 10 times), spending some time with his little brother, and all sorts of things like that. It was hard, as usual, in part because Adele and I have different approaches to this problem. Sometimes I just want to pound him, well that is always my first urge, and after I check my emotions, I always want to go on and on about all the things that I can think of, since I finally got his attention. Adele, on the other hand, starts by yelling a little, talking a little, and then just wanting me to pound him (a little). In the end we took away his phone and computer privileges and grounded him till we think he is back on track, ...

Well, it is not exactly the same, but we seem to be living the joke about how a guy is unable to sleep at night (metaphor of restlessness), and he goes to the town Rabbi and asks him what to do about the leak in the roof, the squeak in the floor, and the drip in the sink. In our case, the Rabbi says, “leave everything comfortable that you know and move to the Middle East. After you get there you need to get a rabbit and build it a hutch. But not just any hutch, you need a hutch that keeps the rain and the sun out. It won’t matter if the rabbit droppings end up everywhere, just as long as the hutch is big enough to make your wife cringe and at times fume. When that is done you need to get a dog, but not just any dog, you need to get a dog that was abandoned and rescued off the street. You need to get a dog that challenges not only you but also your wife. You need a dog that sheds black hair everywhere, a dog that barks and growls at every dog and cat that you pass. You need to get a dog...

Well, today was an interesting day. Come to think of it, so was yesterday. At the factory everyone was running around like chickens without heads. I think a lot was getting done but since I live in my own little bubble mostly (language barrier thing), it was hard to tell. One of the large air compressors wasn’t working properly and the big CNC machine kept coming to a grinding halt and blowing steam form somewhere in its guts. The guy that was working it at the time kept trying to find my boss and seemed to be having as much trouble with this as I was (he even spoke German). Every time we did find the boss he was always out of breath from some other apparent emergency. Reminds me of the days when I ran my own business and had a real bad day. Eventually the compressor started to work and I went home for the weekend. Well, not really a weekend. I got up early this morning to take the dog for a walk on my way to building a cool little micro skateboard ramp at my friend Elan’s house. We ha...

When we got to HaAretz we were all spinning from the journey we had just taken. This journey, which had started in Boulder, Colorado and brought us all the way to Netanya, Israel, where my gracious Mother-in-Law Ruth shared her home with us, was really just about to begin. But I am getting ahead of myself. Back in Boulder, my wonderful wife Adele, had been busy for one whole year stocking up on the essential things that we were going to need like Zip-Lock bags, Lawry’s garlic salt, lotions and oils, pancake batter, and a whole assortment of must have, can not live without items. I also had my moments like the time that I just couldn’t do without the nice little bike tool kit that I would need for sure because, after all, we were moving to the desert, a virtual no-mans-land. And since I was going to need to do all of the bike maintenance myself, I got a bicycle maintenance book too! Oh yeah, and the how to make cement countertops book was also a must because it is common knowledge that ...

Today started off just about normally. I got up, had some coffee, got into a fight with my wife, kissed and made up, said goodbye to the family and walked to work. Once I got there, all seemed to be normal. Everyone was busy with assorted tasks like moving the latest order of filters, taking out the garbage from the maafiah (bakery) where they make incredible bread and cakes, and talking about who knows what since most of the communication is all in German amongst the members of Beit El. Then, towards the end of the day my coworker Gideon ran down stairs to say, “meshewho po bishvilcha” (someone is here for you). I ran up the stairs and… AQUARIUS WOMAN!!! Oh no. now she is going to rattle on and on about who knows what. I did a quick one two on her to try to get her to leave my workplace but she would not budge. She wanted to be reassured about the dog. She wanted to make sure that we still called him… shoot, I already forgot the name that some little girl gave him the week that he was...

It looks like we are bringing a little SoCal culture to HaAretz. We got a new dog, well, not really a new dog. He was an abandoned dog that we think is about 7 months old. I guess we are also doing a bit of ‘taming’ of the wild things here. He was living in Caesarea next to a coffee shop and someone I now call Aquarius Woman took him in and Dude lived with her for about a week, which was long enough for her to become so attached to the dog that she, in the end almost didn’t give him away. Aquarius Woman was an older lady from England or South Africa (couldn’t place her accent), had long grey/blond hair and a tie-dye beach dress on. As it turned out she was a cat lady also. She takes in lost animals and there are a lot of them here, so you can imagine. Adele had found the dog from an add on the five towns list but after about two conversations with Aquarius Woman she couldn’t take it any more and left the dirty work of schmoozing her out of the dog to me. I guess being a nice guy can pa...

Yesterday I completed a grueling 16 hour shiour (lesson) with a mifchan (test) at the end on how to drive a forklift in Israel. And since we are in Israel, everything seems to be in Hebrew! What was I thinking! So day one of the shiour bemalgisa (forklift lesson) started by getting a ride after work with a whole bunch of German kids from the factory to start the, you guessed it, TOFFUS! It is a word after all. Since all the kids from the factory are actually kibbutsnicks we had to make a quick stop in Hadera while we were at the Misrad Ha Rishoui (DMV) to go shopping for bike stuff. No big deal, I have been getting a lot more relaxed about time and scheduling here. The other Israeli that was with us wasn’t so relaxed about it though. “Ze Lo Beseder!” he kept saying. I tried not to be the peace maker because of what I learned with my last experience with Uri on the bike ride but a little bit kept squeezing out regardless. It is in my nature and hard to suppress I guess. So we started t...

This story starts about 4 months ago when I got a call from my son Zach. He sounded out of breath and a bit manic and I had to have him repeat a couple of times what he was trying to tell me, his bike was stolen. Yup, this was the bike that we had bought in The States before the big move to the ‘wild wild east’ especially so that, with the help of G-d, he would grow into it both in size and in skill. Zach was talking to his girlfriend (at least that is the official story) with the bike leaning against a wall about three meters behind him. His friends had been riding it around a bit and so no one noticed when someone else decided to do the same… and kept on going. I told Zach to look for it some more and talk to everyone he saw about it in case someone saw it happen and could identify the thief. No luck whatsoever… yet that is. The bike was gone. Zach walked home from the Midrachove (our mini Pearl St. walking mall) and did some serious pouting. He spent the next two weeks walking...